help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
