Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
