also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
