I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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