You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
