best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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