Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
