sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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