when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
