I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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