Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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