don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
