last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
