Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
