Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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