My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
