i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
