Already got asked if we're dating
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
