I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
