I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
