wanna go halves on a baby?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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