I want to walk on stilts...naked
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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