Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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