alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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