Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
