He disabled his match.com account in front of me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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