I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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