i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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