You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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