Bisexual people are plain selfish.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
