That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
