Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
