Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
