I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
