I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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