So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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