Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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