Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I love having hate sex.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
