i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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