I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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