I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
