Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
