i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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