'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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