My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
