I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
