if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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