my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
