I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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