I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
