Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
