WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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