alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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