is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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