Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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