Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
