He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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