I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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