it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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