i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
