it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
