and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize