I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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