I am puke
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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