it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
