you guys were way drunker than both of me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And then he peed in my hair
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