she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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