i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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