don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
