I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
